They may not talk about it. They might not even realize that it’s what they’re looking for but for a man to fall in love and stay in love, he needs to feel safe. So, what does safety look like for a man? He’s probably not expecting his female partner to defend him against muggers. What he needs is to feel safe emotionally. He needs security.
A Person to be Vulnerable With
Phrases like, “crying like a baby” and “just man up” are common in our society because many men were taught that talking about feelings is a feminine trait. To the outside world, your man wants to appear confident, secure, and brave but, like all of us, he needs a place where he can talk through his doubts and fears. He needs someone in his life who will allow him to express his feelings without shaming him or viewing him as less of a man for doing so.
Men carry just as much emotional baggage as women and they want their partners to understand what they’ve been through. It’s a normal part of the bonding experience and helps to grow a relationship. Ridiculing a man, invalidating his feelings, or using things that he’s said when he was vulnerable as ammunition later may cause his love to die on the vine.
Men want someone who accepts them as they are, not someone who sees them as raw material that can be molded into something presentable. If a woman can’t accept a man’s flaws and also compliment his positive traits, his needs won’t be met and he’ll likely lose interest. No one feels safe when they’re consistently told that they aren’t good enough.
For a man to feel safe with you, he must first trust you. Like women, men feel insecure when their partner is evasive or aloof. If he feels that his partner thrives on attention from other men, he may just jump ship. Even the most secure man will become doubtful if he feels that his partner is too secretive or too eager to give their attention to other men.
Our society has created women who can masterfully balance masculine and feminine energy within themselves, We can be the hard-nosed boss during the day and the soft, loving mother at night but this is a bit more difficult for men. Men tend to spend most of their time in their masculine energy.
Men are naturally inclined to protect and provide for their partners regardless of how independent and capable that partner may be. If a man feels “unnecessary”, he will not believe that he holds a place of value in the relationship and that may make him insecure. He wants a partner who is willing to accept his help and express gratitude for his effort. He wants to know that his relationship isn’t a competition. He wants a partnership and he wants his role in that partnership to be acknowledged.
This story originally published: https://medium.com/@tomilynchromance/men-need-safety-in-a-relationship-too-b7d8161f260d