Pizza Boys and Jersey Girls by Tomi Dean Lynch

I published this story in 2019 and it is truly one that is close to my heart. I grew up in New Jersey and spent most of my free time in a local pizzeria. My friends and I developed a strong bond with the men who worked there. There were always rumors that the men of the pizza places had mob connections and we used to joke about it all the time but what if it had been true?

While not a true story, Pizza Boys and Jersey Girls does bring back memories for me. 

It was a wet and rainy spring night when Bonny first saw the man of her dreams. She was just a kid and he was old enough to be her father but when he touched her hand, the pulse of electricity that ran through her was like nothing she could have ever imagined.

Danny was the manager of Pizza Mia, a local hangout for the kids of this North Jersey town. It was the mid-1980's and the attached video arcade and one-dollar slices only added to the allure for most, but Bonny only needed one thing to keep her coming back. A smile or a wink from the dreamy-eyed man behind the counter.

Years would pass before the two would actually meet outside the walls of Pizza Mia. She was, after all, too young to touch when they met but Danny had wanted nothing more than to unleash the untapped passion in this girl who worshiped him.

Some dreams don't always work out as planned and the two are separated soon after their first night together. Legal issues cause Danny to flee for the safer shores or Florence and Bonny goes on to find love with Carlo, who is more her age. Still, the journey isn't over for these star-crossed lovers whose paths will reconnect in a tangled tale of jealousy, longing, intrigue, and possibly... murder.

 

Stop playing games to win a man

 

There’s a lot of talk on the internet concerning whether or not women should chase men. Most sources tell you that chasing a man makes you look desperate and can bruise your ego if the chase doesn’t end in capturing his affection. Some sources add that chasing is biologically programmed in men and that they like hunting down and winning their prized partner and when the woman becomes the pursuer, her value drops and she is no longer worth winning to him.

Sure, there is some truth to the concept that men like to pursue women, but most men also enjoy it when a woman reaches out to let him know that she’s thinking of him. In the vastly confusing world of dating, it seems that women are being told to turn “the chase” into a well-orchestrated cat and mouse game. They’re told to count his calls and only answer after he’s called two or three times. They’re told to wait before answering texts and to never text first.  If this seems a bit manipulative and deceitful, it’s because it is.

Be authentic

The first step to building a relationship is to be clear on your feelings and expectations. The other person deserves to know how you feel about them and what you’re looking for. If you’re truthful from the start and he stops reaching out or responding, you have your answer. He isn’t looking for the same things from you, at least, for right now.

If you want to send a text or make a call, do it. You don’t have to wait for him to make the first move. If he responds great. If not, pull back. He may be busy or he may not be interested.

Think of a text conversation as if it were happening face to face. If you speak to someone and they don’t reply, you don’t just keep talking so don’t keep texting. If he answers, great. If not, consider yourself ghosted and move on.

Avoid gameplay

Life would be so much easier if there was a magic formula for meeting someone and making them fall in love with you. Sadly, there isn’t and as more women start following the advice they see on social media, more men become aware of the signs of gameplay. Just as we figured out fuck boy language, men are figuring out the ways that women manipulate.

What you want is commitment and that comes from honest connection. If you’re using subversive tactics to win a man, when do you stop and become your true self? Gameplay is exhausting because the cycle never ends. Once you have his attention, you modify the game to keep his attention. Before you know it, you’re playing games to keep him faithful because you can’t be certain what his true intentions are. You never allowed him an opportunity to show you.

Listen

If you listen with the intent to understand, you’ll have a pretty good idea of where your relationship is going. Too often we take what men say and try to interpret it like it’s a foreign language. If he tells us that he isn’t interested in a committed relationship we tell ourselves that he’s been hurt and we need to prove that we’re different and worthy of his commitment when the correct thing to do is to take his words at face value.

Express your truth

If the man you’re interested in doesn’t share your values or feelings, tell him. Let him know that you’re not on the same page. Chances are he won’t change his mind for you and that’s okay. That’s when you value yourself enough to move on.

Be empowered

There’s an amazing sense of confidence that comes from living your authentic truth. Having solid boundaries and upholding your values is an empowering stance that high-value men find very attractive. Choosing to not play games may limit the number of players on your field but the quality of those players will increase exponentially.

The best way to attract an honest, confident, strong man will always be to be an honest, confident, strong woman

 

 

Original Post: https://tomilynchromance.medium.com/stop-playing-games-to-win-a-man-1f9df726557b

Find them in the Amazon Kindle Store

 

The lost art of phone sex

 

This article isn’t about those naughty nine-hundred numbers for ninety-nine cents per minute.  This is about flirty to filthy phone banter with a partner or, perspective partner.  It’s about those conversations that happen when two people are separated for a time and simply want to turn each other on. 

What happened to phone sex?

I call it a lost art because the internet came along and, for many couples, this form of bonding became obsolete. Why call when you can Snap or FaceTime, right? While pictures and video calls can be hot, they leave nothing to the imagination and that’s what phone sex was all about; fantasy and imagination.  We’ve become a society driven by immediate gratification and the desire to see more.

What’s so great about phone sex?

There’s something to be said about hearing the longing in your lovers’ voice and knowing that when they close their eyes, they see themselves doing unspeakable things to you.  For those who are a bit modest about showing their bodies online, telling instead puts them in a more comfortable space allowing them to express their desires more openly.

I would be remiss not to mention the permanence and potential risk of exposure that comes from sending nudes, explicit video content, or even racy text messages.  Phone sex generally ends when the call is ended leaving far less risk that anyone other than your partner will know about your interlude.

When you’re getting comfortable with your partner and need to spice things up, phone sex can be a welcome novelty. Whether you’re in a long distance relationship or simply separated for a day or two, phone sex can keep the intimacy continuous despite being apart.

How to keep it from being awkward

Talking dirty is a definite step outside of many peoples’ comfort zones but expressing your fantasies in a way that excites your partner can be easy.

If you’re certain that your partner will be a willing participant, just go for it but if there’s any doubt, discuss it and get their consent.

You may want to start by sending teaser texts during the day. Something like, “I’ve been thinking about you naked,” or “I can’t wait to tell you about the sexy dream I had about you.”

To prepare, you might read an erotic novel or watch a little porn to get the imagination flowing. Then, dress sexy and ready the area where you’ll be making the call. It’s easier to describe your outfit and the scene if it’s real. For example, “I’m wearing a red teddy,” or  “You lay me down on the satin sheets,”.

You don’t have to jump right in with the dirty talk. Sometimes, it’s better to ease into it. Discuss your day and tell your partner how many times you thought about them.  Then, when you’re both at ease, lay out your fantasy.

Keep in mind that in most cases you’ll be having a two-way dialogue as your partner seeks the details that will make them the most excited.  If you are the more submissive partner, you might find that your lover takes control of the conversation leaving you to simply describe how they make you feel.

Remember that the more descriptive you are, the better. You're depending on your words to paint a picture in your partner's head.

Listen to your partner's words and breathing. This is the best way to know if you’re hitting the right buttons and remember to respond. Your partner will be relying on your words, moans, and heavy breathing, too.

Don’t be afraid to pleasure yourself

That is, after all, the point. If you fake it, they’ll probably know.

 

Original post: https://tomilynchromance.medium.com/the-lost-art-of-phone-sex-118e051c0c3

Men Need Safety in a Relationship Too

They may not talk about it. They might not even realize that it’s what they’re looking for but for a man to fall in love and stay in love, he needs to feel safe. So, what does safety look like for a man? He’s probably not expecting his female partner to defend him against muggers. What he needs is to feel safe emotionally. He needs security.

A Person to be Vulnerable With

Phrases like, “crying like a baby” and “just man up” are common in our society because many men were taught that talking about feelings is a feminine trait. To the outside world, your man wants to appear confident, secure, and brave but, like all of us, he needs a place where he can talk through his doubts and fears. He needs someone in his life who will allow him to express his feelings without shaming him or viewing him as less of a man for doing so.

Men carry just as much emotional baggage as women and they want their partners to understand what they’ve been through. It’s a normal part of the bonding experience and helps to grow a relationship. Ridiculing a man, invalidating his feelings, or using things that he’s said when he was vulnerable as ammunition later may cause his love to die on the vine.

Acceptance

Men want someone who accepts them as they are, not someone who sees them as raw material that can be molded into something presentable. If a woman can’t accept a man’s flaws and also compliment his positive traits, his needs won’t be met and he’ll likely lose interest. No one feels safe when they’re consistently told that they aren’t good enough.

Trust

For a man to feel safe with you, he must first trust you. Like women, men feel insecure when their partner is evasive or aloof. If he feels that his partner thrives on attention from other men, he may just jump ship. Even the most secure man will become doubtful if he feels that his partner is too secretive or too eager to give their attention to other men.

Appreciation

Our society has created women who can masterfully balance masculine and feminine energy within themselves, We can be the hard-nosed boss during the day and the soft, loving mother at night but this is a bit more difficult for men. Men tend to spend most of their time in their masculine energy.

Men are naturally inclined to protect and provide for their partners regardless of how independent and capable that partner may be. If a man feels “unnecessary”, he will not believe that he holds a place of value in the relationship and that may make him insecure. He wants a partner who is willing to accept his help and express gratitude for his effort. He wants to know that his relationship isn’t a competition. He wants a partnership and he wants his role in that partnership to be acknowledged.

This story originally published: https://medium.com/@tomilynchromance/men-need-safety-in-a-relationship-too-b7d8161f260d

If he doesn't do these four things, you're his temporary girlfriend

 

It happens. You meet someone and everything seems to be progressing fine, then, you begin to wonder if he’s in it for the long haul with you or if you’re simply filling some temporary void for him. You realize that he doesn’t include you in many aspects of his life and that your “couple presence” both online and in the real world is almost non-existent. Maybe he’s just a private person or maybe, he doesn’t think you’ll be around that long. As anyone who has suffered a breakup knows, the more public the relationship, the more uncomfortable the breakup becomes. You have to wash the stain of failure off your social media and endure questions and unsolicited advice from family and friends. Guys just don’t want to deal with these things.

His behavior is not always intentional. He might not be a manipulator or even a bad guy. Most men don’t plot out a relationship, including boundaries, from start to finish. It may be that he just doesn’t feel it, so he doesn’t do it. Like telling you that you’re beautiful when you're make up free and your hair is a mess. He doesn’t decide not to tell you. If he doesn’t think it, he doesn’t say it.

So, how do you know if he’s in it for the long haul?

He doesn’t commit to long term plans without discussing them with you

If you’re shocked to discover that he’s taken a work assignment that will dramatically change his income, lifestyle, or location, you’re temporary. If he books a flight for next summer and then tells you about his plans later, you’re temporary. Men and women seek counsel from those that they love and respect. He wouldn’t make a life-altering decision without asking for your input. In addition, he would care about your feelings on the matter. If he’s given an opportunity that excites him and his first thought isn’t to share the news with you, he doesn’t see you as his life partner.

He’s proud to show you off to his friends

When a man believes that he’s found the one, he also believes that she’s something to brag about. He wants to tell the world, “Look at her. She’s mine.” Some men do this subtly by simply exposing you to their inner circle. Others are more overt. They boast to their friends about your accomplishments and show you off every chance they get. If he doesn’t do these things, he is, at minimum, unsure about you.

When he talks about the future, it’s we, not me

When he dreams about his life ten years from now, he sees you in the picture and uses the words, we and us. If he tells you that he sees himself making it big in the real estate market and settling down in another state, he doesn’t plan to take you with him.

He’s protective of you

When a man begins to think of a woman as his life partner, he goes into protector mode. He worries when you work late and have to walk to your car in a dark parking lot. If you’re ill or having emotional problems, you are his top priority, even when it’s inconvenient. He will stand up for you when someone mistreats you and will defend you, even against those in his inner circle. No matter how independent and capable you are, he will express concern for your well-being. If he doesn’t, he’s not fully committed to a future with you.

 

Six Signs of a High Value Woman

 

 

A high-value woman is described as a woman who knows her worth. She is a woman who emanates an energy of confidence, compassion,, and independence and is one who is highly attractive to men for reasons that go far beyond her physical attributes.

There are several reasons a man would crave a high-value woman. She keeps him in check by not keeping him in check. She isn’t clingy or demanding and allows him to have aspects of his life that don’t include her. He likes that she wants him, but doesn’t need him. He values her trust in him but understands that she knows her own worth and will leave him if he breaks that trust. In addition, her energy can be intoxicating. Her confidence can be contagious. He may feel like a better man when he’s with her. She’s someone that he wants to brag about. Having her by his side is a privilege because she can have her pick of many men but chose him.

So, how do you know if a woman is of high value? There are many qualities that present in high-value women but here are the top six attributes that these women share.

She loves and respects herself first, and very deeply

She is confident in her abilities and life skills and is likely financially independent because of this. She takes care of her body, mind, and spirit.. Her external beauty is often a byproduct of her healthy lifestyle. She tends to surround herself with other high-value people but is a beacon for the broken. She will encourage and uplift others but will not reduce herself to their level or allow them to bring her to a place of stress. She values her own emotional health too much for that.

She’s happy alone

When she isn’t in a relationship, she fills her time with projects and activities that bring her fulfillment or improve her position. She doesn’t need a man to fill a void for her because she fills it herself. When she’s in a relationship, she doesn’t require her partners undivided attention. In fact, she’d prefer not to have it  She needs her alone time and expects her partner to value theirs as well. She understands that it takes two whole people to have a healthy relationship.

She’s sexually confident

She knows what she wants and expects her partner to provide it. She isn’t shy about her sexuality and this confidence radiates from her making her very desirable. She loves her body and won’t need the lights off to undress and get down to business. She isn’t concerned that her partner might notice her physical flaws because she has learned to embrace them. She understands that nobody is physically perfect and doesn’t expect her partner to be either. She realizes that sensuality comes from within.

She knows her worth and won’t settle

If she feels disrespected, she will say so. If the disrespectful behavior continues, she will leave. She doesn’t settle for less than she deserves in the workplace or romantically. She is confident that she can find what she needs even if it means starting over.

She is genuinely interested in her partner

She wants to know him because she understands how emotional connections are made, She’ll ask questions and engage. High-value women rarely talk about themselves because they don’t feel the need to sell themselves to anyone. Someone once said, “A strong woman never talks about how strong she is..” They were right.  She will advise and uplift a high-value man and he will love her for it.

She is emotionally mature

She’s not co-dependent or clingy and doesn’t suffer fits of jealousy. She is capable of talking about problems in a relationship without assigning blame. She isn’t spiteful or vindictive and will only work to improve a relationship if she feels that it’s worth saving. She is compassionate and caring and seeks to understand the feelings of others.